when did i turn 24?

when did i turn 24?
i was just 11 not too long ago, you know.
i'm pretty sure that's the year i got my bass guitar.
that's also the year i think that my parents split, and i saw the smashing pumpkins for the first time.
you know, that's one of the ways i guage my lifetime.
that's the main way i guage my lifetime.
by music.

one winter morning at st. martin's i got my secret santa gift from kara layden.
it was "mellon collie and the infinite sadness" by the smashing pumpkins.
it had to have been 6th grade.
for my birthday that year i got tickets to go see the smashing pumpkins at US Air Arena.
i remember explicitly... my dad called me on the phone to tell me and i ran around the hall screaming excitedly.

i was just (insert age here) not too long ago, you know.
my dad took me to go see the capitals play at US Air Arena.
That was a fun time.
we went with a lady that he worked with, and her son... tripper?
tripper was afraid of the freeway.

it was not too long ago, you know, that i used to go bowling every sunday morning with my grampy.
that was probably around age 19.
i came back from lasalle and lived at home for a year while i commuted to UMD.
one morning when we were eating breakfast at the bowling alley i watched US Air Arena get demoed on the news.
i cried a little.
i thought of how beautiful it was to see all those lighters swaying in the darkness as i listened to billy corgan (or whoever) play the title track to open the show years before.
i thought of how fun it was to watch hockey with my dad.
it's gone now.
so is my grampy.

when i think of being 24 i think of only just yesterday being 17.
that was when i first fell in love.
that was the only time i think i've ever been IN love.
"just like heaven" was our song.
we actually had MULTIPLE songs.
i think that's what's it for me... if i have a song with someone.
we had a band, too.
third eye blind.
it seems too ironic.
chris died at age 24.
in a car crash.

and now i am 24.
sometimes i get hung up on where i am and where i am going.

i used to make tables when i was a kid.
i also liked to sketch... once i drew the fish from the cat and the hat and it looked JUST LIKE the fish in the book.
i used to write poetry.... EVERY DAY.
the last poem i wrote was for chris.
does that mean something?

when did i turn 24?
and what does this mean?
why is it that i care so much now about how my hair looks?
i never cared too much before.
i care about a lot of stupid shit now that i have never cared about before.
i can't decide if that is good or bad.

what do you think?